I'm a Terrible Writer, and Here's Why

 For some people, this might surprise them that I'm saying this. For others, who have either known me for a long time or known me very well, it's probably not a surprise.

I am a terrible writer.

Wait! That's not correct. I'm a terrible author.

I write the words good. (Not then.) I do very well when it comes to putting my words on paper. I am. I don't have any trouble with the actual writing part of it. But I am a terrible author.

Dis me!

Being an author is more than just writing. It's editing and proofreading and rewriting. I'm okay with all these things, too. It's what happens after a manuscript is finished that is my problem. I'm terrible about sitting down and looking for markets and submitting my work.

Hell, I'm terrible about going back and looking over something I've written years ago to see if it's still any good.

I've been a member of both Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers of America (SFWA) and Horror Writers Association (HWA), but I've let memberships lapse. Honestly, I couldn't afford to maintain while I wasn't writing.

I've been busy with a lot of issues involving work, home life, moving, and mental health issues. That's been my excuse for not writing. I've been busy.

I bet some of y'all have been busy, too. And you have kept writing, kept being an author. I don't really feel this is a good enough excuse on my part.

I'm trying to change. I'm trying to remember I am a writer and I have been a decent, if almost entirely unknown, author. 

I'm trying to put myself out here and kind of shame myself into getting back to doing what I love. If this sounds twisted, it is. There is nothing I would rather do than write. There is nothing I would rather be than a well-respected author. There is nothing stopping me from reaching my goal... except me.

Here I am, trying to hold myself to task.

I used to blog here regularly, then it became sporadic. Then I didn't use it at all for years. I need to. I also need to start letting people know what I'm about. So I've started gathering email addresses for my first-ever newsletter. It's not that I have so much to share, but I need to be in contact with people who want to support me just by reading a newsletter.

I have also spent the past few years talking about putting together a collection of some of my short stories, both published and unpublished. I have had people tell me they like what I write, but it's hard to find it. Most of it is in print, in bound anthologies. Most of them are out of print. A collection would be a nice way to put a lot of my work back out there in an affordable way.

This isn't just talking. I have collected several published ones for this collection. I have even more unpublished ones. I was astonished when I went back and looked them over and realized they were all better than I remembered. So I have some of them. I have one that I recently shared online. I have a few that need to be published. I'll use one or more of them.

I will have a collection of short stories out! I am hoping to have it out by the end of the year, but it might be spring. I think I will self-publish it, because I suspect that will be the only way it comes out.

I have been working on a fantasy novel that I've been working on for literally decades. "Heroes," for those in the know. 

I am writing. I am a good writer.

I'm a terrible author.

And I am trying to be a better one.