Friday, May 15, 2009

On Gay Marriage and Boobs

Yesterday was a banner day for Californians of a liberal bent. We started out the day with news that former VP nominee and once-and-future punchline Sarah Palin had decided to come out and speak up in defense of Miss California - the current punchline.

As far as I was concerned, it was like Christmas coming early. One brain-dead conservative beauty queen throwing herself back into the spotlight to defend another brain-dead conservative beauty queen. I wish to God I was working for Saturday Night Live or The Onion or someone like that, because that's just comedy gold.

It was all I could do to keep up with the electioneering slogans that jumped to my head:

"Four magnificent breasts, two magnificent boobs!"

"Palin/Prejean 2012: Two crowns, four hooters, and 18 IQ points between them!"

"Palin/Prejean 2012: Why not? You elected W!"

"Fighting to keep hairspray and mascara production here in the U.S.!"

"We love Americans, except for the queers!"

That's the other thing they have in common, which is why the day got even better when the "cautious" (as the press here have dubbed them - apparently needing to agree on one adjective they could all spell) California Supreme Court overturned the ban on gay marriages and made it harder to discriminate against anyone based on sexual orientation.

Personally, I half-believe that the justices were hanging around and heard Sarah Palin yammering about how Carrie Prejean had her "right to speak"* about her dislike of gay marriages and just lost it. I like to think they agreed to make their decision then, than have to spend another day listening to the Dittoheads and the rest of the fringe right's attempt to have Carrie Prejean turned into a saint.

So on behalf of all of us who have been tired of hearing that, I'd like to say: "Thank God for those boobs!" Who knows - if both of them hadn't kept speaking, the Supreme Court might still be deliberating, and gay marriage in California might not be law.


*Carrie Prejean has the same issue with understanding "freedom of speech" as do many of those propping up her already-dead career: "freedom of speech" may give you the right to say what you want, but it doesn't protect you from people who think you're a stupid, narrow-minded bimbo** without anything decent to say. "Freedom of speech" means you can say it, but it doesn't mean people have to "hear" it or agree with it. It's the position of the fringe right (and always has been) that when they speak, you must listen. If you don't, you're anti-American.

**Oh, all right. Proof she's a bimbo? May as well let you see everything Carrie Prejean has to offer society:


  1. Actually both sides do that, you can't foist that off solely on the right. What I find amazing is somehow this is considered news-worthy and yet our treasure secretary sneaking off to a top-secret meeting that has full press black-out and military security in Greece doesn't even raise a f@%king eyebrow with our media. Screw this planet, I'm moving to Mars.

  2. Sorry, dude. I disagree. Only the conservatives model that sort of behavior. It's been their go-to move for years now, and now that they're so far out of power that they're technically an endangered species, they're flinging that around like a monkey flings its poo.

    No, the left has NEVER taken that stance. Their stance is, and always has been, that their positions are superior simply because they're THE RIGHT ONES. If you don't agree, they're fine with that, but they don't understand. They don't DEMAND that you agree with them.

    Not even moderate Republicans do that. It's the fringe right that does - and that, if you'll notice, is who I was referring to.

    The problem with that - as I've already addressed - is that even the decent, moderate Republican is now being represented in the media by the loons of the fringe - Hannity, Limbaugh, Beck. By supporting these morons' shows, the right-wingers are tacitly allowing them to become the mouthpieces of a party that is representing them less and less.

    Think I'm gonna stop now before this becomes an entire column.

  3. I wish you worked for SNL, too! Are you listening NBC? "Two magnificent breasts, two magnificent boobs!" Great line that says it all.

    Love catching up on your posts!

    Darrelyn (ficwriter on twitter)